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Dysfunctional Love

Updated: Sep 23, 2021

Dysfunctional love comes in many forms some are even masked through the emotional satisfactions of sexual pleasures. The definitions of love are not finite. Love means different things to different people. I want to enlighten people with different aspects of love and how they are manifested in our relationships. The dysfunctional love can also be derived from an origin found somewhere hidden in our childhood. In other cases, it may be a result of a traumatic occurrence such as abuse, rape, molestation, or even incest. These types of reflections are not easy memories to walk through because we’ve been preoccupied with attempting to block out the trauma. As a result, recovery can be deterred because the embarrassment of the situation takes precedence overhealing. Shame invokes the desire to disregard the occurrence of the traumatic experience.


By changing your perspective about the shame, and redirecting it to the abuser, you are taking small steps towards recovery. Understand that the dysfunctional behaviors of someone can be aborted from transferring into your own. In other words, you resist becoming what happened to you and dismantle the cycle of reoccurrence. The core root of dysfunctional cycles is created when the pain of the predator is inflicted on their victim. These cycles repeat over time without resolution because the abuser insists on the victim hiding what has transpired. How can a sore heal without being exposed to the air to breathe? Our society is quick to outcast these souls and side with the manipulator encouraging deeper levels of isolation for the victim. I honestly believe this is related to the criminal actions taken even on innocent children. Let’s examine some of the molestation stories of celebrities, congressional representatives, prominent business owners, religious leaders, and a host of other victimizers.


All of the actions of molestation, rape, incest, and perversion, were hidden empowering the belief that the actions were acceptable. The mere fact enablers aid and feed this kind of dysfunction supports the access to more victims in exchange for monetary rewards. People love their money, power, and positions and were willing to lay their own personal convictions aside and close their eyes. Additional capitalization presented opportunities by unveiling stories to the public as a television, movie, or even news report viewed by the world. Few perpetrators were sent to jail, the “HOUSE” of dysfunction, to be punished and receive treatment. When perpetrators are released, they are required to register as offenders. The transfer of pain inflicted on the victim goes unresolved until the victim possesses the courage to address the situation.


The intent of this platform is not directed to judge an individual but rather to function as a resource for healing and realize they are not alone. First, understand that you are not responsible to cure someone’s dysfunction. Hurt people, Will Hurt More people! We have psychologists, behavioral scientists, and every other doctor operating under extreme liability restrictions that limit treatment. The specialists are can only listen, diagnose, and suggest potential treatment mechanisms. Will the subject receive only the clinical diagnosis and be administered medications, or perhaps a schedule of therapy sessions to discuss their Truth? What is the motivation to acknowledge how trauma impacted you? How do you muscle up enough courage to talk to a stranger when therapy has had a negative stigma associated with it? No one wants to have a breakdown- not alone and certainly not in the presence of someone. The acknowledgment of trauma is never an easy road to travel because it’s a lonely road of discovery.


You can’t talk about it, you don’t want to think about it, you only want to escape from it, and when you can’t escape, you give in to it. Children don’t have the mental capacity to always comprehend what is happening to them, therefore, making them easy targets. Sometimes decades go by before they are capable enough to identify the impact of trauma in their life. If they are lucky, they will become better and not bitter individuals. If they are not, they will remain downtrodden lost, and hopeless.


We misconstrue sex as love, but love is deeper than just the sensational pleasure of satisfaction. Love goes beyond the surface into the dark places of that person and finds a light that was flickering ready to expire. It ignites the wick and helps it to find life. You can’t love that deeply until you have peeled back your own layers of dysfunction. We all have some imperfections that we want to hide from the one we love. Divorce often happens because these issues were not discovered, addressed, or resolved and become unbearable for the spouse. Till death do us part takes on another meaning. It’s not always the soul leaving the body that implies death. Dysfunctional love is selfish fulfillment. It does not take into consideration the wants, desires, and needs of the other person. It simply wants what it needs for survival. The reality is we have all learn how to love. No one is without issues, so we learn how to accept an individual as is, but what happens when you discover the depths of their dysfunction. I don’t believe people have the power to heal other people. I believe healing is a process of prayer, belief in God, and a constant effort to change. I believe in the spiritual world because love is a spirit. It’s the one thing that can change hearts. Try it, love an abused pet, a lonely person, a homeless person, and examine the results of that love. It will begin to tear down the outer shell of the pain. Uncovering those layers gives way to dig down a little deeper and that establishes an indestructible level of trust. Rather than feed the dysfunctional behavior, feed the life of the soul that was injured first. People run from this because they don’t want to relive the intensity of pain, but they can’t understand remaining the same is worse. Remaining unchanged only leads to the small light expiring and you’re left in the darkness with no way out. I do not have to get into the specifics of different dysfunctions because I believe this message resonates with a vast majority within this category of love. I’m adding this to the list when considering a lifelong spouse (love partner). Will your dysfunction causes me to quit, will it drive me into the crazy house or to my knees clinging to God for help in prayer? People that have been incarcerated are known to find God.


Being locked up isn’t a vacation, it is a very dark, lonely difficult time in a person’s life. Prison doesn’t always equate to the “actual” prison, but sometimes being imprisoned mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Avoid losing control by giving more power to someone’s dysfunction. In these moments, acknowledge the root cause of your trauma, and pray for the courage to confront it. By identifying the source, discover ways on how to unravel its grip on your life. I offer coaching to assist others with recovery. Don’t give your manipulator power to inflict the blame on you for their malicious actions. Begin to reclaim your personal power of authority by removing yourself from the clutches of despair inflicted upon you. Place blame in the appropriate places and find the strength to forgive them. Forgiveness is the freedom of your soul. It’s not always easy to forgive a jacked-up person, but it’s not about them, it’s for your personal empowerment. Refuse to allow them to impact your emotions, feelings, or progress in life by reclaiming YOU.


The survival of the fittest implies either you die or I die. I would much rather destroy the root of the dysfunction than allow it to destroy me. I will not die but I shall live an abundant life! I’m so glad I have the everlasting undeniable gift of love of Jesus that came and rescued me from the darkness of my own soul. He snatched me out of the dysfunction that was inflicted on me as a child. The dysfunction that I continued to feed into my adult years, but in the discovery He upheld me. He didn’t allow me to discover it until I was strong enough to handle it.




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